The Last Goodbye
by WriterOfWrongs
Summary: When tragedy strikes, Hinata finds herself unable to find a path back to the life she had before. In a world where those around her are finding ways to cope, she cannot bring herself to say that last goodbye.
1. The First Goodbye

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.

Those with an iron will and fiery passion like his are supposed to go down in a blaze of glory, after a long life of triumphs and hard-fought battles, not die pale and thin in a hospital bed at the age of thirty-five.

To think that when no man could bring him down, despite their apparent advantages over him in size, strength, and cunning. How ill-fated that in the end it was something as miniscule as a virus that brought him to his knees.

I had not cried since that moment when by my side he breathed his last. Maybe it was because everyone kept telling me I needed to be strong for our children, maybe because I believed he wouldn't want to see my face streaked with tears. Or maybe it was that numb feeling engulfing my heart, and that constant thought running rampantly through my head, "He's not dead, can't be, not...not…"

But now, here, as the crowd surrounded me as a black billowing crowd I could feel the numbness start to fade, something like coming out of a hazy sleep. Many people came up to me, though I can't repeat what they said, for I didn't really hear them. It's an odd feeling this grief; not wanting to be alone, but at the same time wishing to speak to no one.

The crowd was starting to slowly disperse now, and I brought myself to do what I had not as of yet done. Look at him.

I thought it would help somehow, everyone always said that the funeral was more of an act of closure for those still living, anyway. I approached the casket, and at first the mountain of flowers which surrounded him made it hard to see. Then through the lotuses I could make out his face, so quiet and serious, so unlike him.

Then it hit me; like an electric shock through my body.

He was gone; the man who had trusted over this village with his life, who had given me two beautiful children, who had controlled the Kyuubi and always protected others.

Never again would he run up the steps, grinning with Emi and Hideki on his back. He wouldn't be there by my side when I woke up, or be there to poke fun at Neji-niisan at family gatherings. The love that I had seen in those blue eyes was gone and I'd never find them in another.

Their hokage, my Naruto, was gone.

I fell to my knees and buried my head in my hands. And now, I can't seem to stop the tears.


	2. The Second Goodbye

"Hinata-san?"

I turned away from the window to find the elders looking intently at me.

"Yes?"

"What do you think of our proposition?"

I could feel my cheeks begin to turn hot. I hadn't heard their proposition; I hadn't heard much of what was said at this meeting, to be truthful. It was thoughtful of them to invite me, though I couldn't see what use I was. Still, I suppose it was only respectful to invite the late hokage's wife to be a part of the decision making as to who would take over her late husband's position.

"Neji-san. What do you think of Neji-san as the next hokage?"

"I…I think that…he would be a very capable hokage."

Around me some of the council was nodding in agreement, while others began murmuring their discontent.

More suggestions were made, among them some up and coming talented young ninja, as well as some familiar names. Neji-niisan, for one, though Sasuke-san, Sakura-san, and even Shino were mentioned as well. One elder even went as far as to propose that Shikamaru-san should leave his position as head tactical leader in the sand village and return to Konoha, though that idea was discarded.

An older woman with her hair done up in a tight bun spoke up.

"In the end being Hokage takes something more than just ability, and none of these candidates have it."

A wave of consensus could be heard around the table.

Next to me a middle-aged man stood up and addressed the council.

"There's really only one person in Konoha who is worthy of being hokage..."  
"And you are ignorant enough to assume we haven't asked him?"

Irie-sama, the eldest of the council turned directed himself towards the middle aged man.

"We went to him first, before calling together a council was even considered."  
"And what was his answer?"  
"Do you think that we would all be here if he had accepted?"

The room was silent now, and Irie-sama spoke again, though to no one in particular.

"That man has never sought out the position of Hokage, and is adamant that we can find another better than him….He is wrong however, and Konoha needs him now, more than ever."

I thought of Naruto, and how he had always placed his love for this village foremost in his heart. He wouldn't stand for the thought of this village being handed over into incapable hands. Yet here I was now content to let them do as they pleased so long as I could leave this meeting. It was shameful really, I was not bringing Naruto's memory honor with my selfish thoughts. I needed to stand for him now; I needed do as he would have wanted.

"Maybe I can….."

The voices of the council overlapping made it virtually impossible to hear my feeble petition.

I stood up and clapped my hands together loudly. The others now turned and stared at me with slack faces. The attention made me automatically blush and I almost reconsidered but I couldn't stay silent now.

"Maybe I can try to convince him. I understand I do not have the same influence as Irie-sama, but I still think that maybe...well, it would not hurt to try."

My statement was met with a sea of apprehensive stares and I felt my hope begin to fade. I was nowhere near as good at rousing others as Naruto was.

Finally Irie-sama broke the awkward silence, by saying in a monotonous voice,  
"I suppose it can't hurt."

"Thank you!" I made a quick bow and then rushed out the door, running as fast as my legs could move.

"Hinata-san, the meeting isn't over yet!"

I pretended not to hear Irie-sama's voice resounding through the hall as I made my way to the small home across the coppice.

* * *

The house was small, and meticulously well-kept from the looks of it. Now that I was here I found myself hesitant to knock. Would he turn me away, slam the door at my face and laugh at me?

I shook my head trying to rid myself of the thought. Of course not, he had always been pleasant to me…though perhaps that only because I was something to Naruto. Now that's Naruto's gone what if….my mind wandered into imaginings of various ways the situation could end: me humiliated, me crying, me dead…

Wait, what was I thinking? He was not a criminal in the least; I was letting my imagination get the best of me.

I stood in front of the door and hastily knocked before I could change my mind. There was nothing to be heard, no sign of any inhabitants.

I turned on my heel almost relieved, but in the back of my mind was the nagging thought that Naruto wouldn't give up so easily. I could almost hear his voice encouraging me, "Don't back down now Hinata, you came for an answer and you better not leave until you get it!"

I turned in front of the door again and knocked more forcefully this time.

The door flung open and Kakashi stood in front of me, slouched to one side.  
"Yo."

"I am sorry to bother you, but I have something to discuss with you, that is"

Kakashi cut me off, standing aside and motioning for me to enter.

The home inside was also immaculate, but I suspected it was because Kakashi owned such few possessions rather than he had a great love for cleaning.

"Eh, I'd ask you to take a seat but as you can see I have no seating available. Sorry about that, I don't have many guests so I never saw any need to buy chairs and the like." He scratched his head then turned back towards to me. 'To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you again, Hinata-san?"

"I suppose you know that the council members are looking for a new hokage."  
"So Irie-sama is using you now in an attempt to entice me into a position I already denied?"  
"No! I mean, I came here of my own will."

He sighed and looked at me seriously. "I don't want this job. I'm too old, too weak, I'm sure they can find someone more adequate than I."

"You're wrong Kakashi-sensei. You have to believe me, there is no one in this village more capable than you for this position."

Kakashi shook his head. "The village would never accept a man as hokage whose father abandoned them. Besides, my strength is not what it used to be, I could never live up to your expectations."

A sudden feeling of urgency rose up within me. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that if Konoha was handed over to any other our village would be in trouble. The news of the death of the hokage had spread fast, and several council members feared surrounding villages were waiting for the announcement of the new hokage, making plans of attack to be put into action if they thought it could succeed. Kakashi needed to accept the offer before him for the villager's sake, for my children's sake, for Naruto's sake…

"Naruto would have wanted this village to be protected and safe, it's what he lived for and it's what he died for. I speak for Naruto as well as myself now, this village needs you and it'd be wrong of you to turn away. Whatever concerns you have of acceptance and your own safety are selfish ones. I've always respected you as a ninja and a person, but you're nothing more than a coward if you don't accept."

Realizing what I had just said I blushed with remorse and quickly apologized.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean those harsh words but please Kakashi-sensei, this village needs you."

I looked down at the ground, afraid of his answer. Kakashi then crouched into my line of vision, causing me to look him in the eye.

"Tell them I accept."

He looked out the window and faced away from me. Taking that as my cue to leave I slowly backed my way out, still astonished at what I had just heard.

"Thank you, thank you so much Kakashi-sensei."  
"Oh, and Hinata-san?"  
"Yes?"  
"You should hold your head up from now on; you do speak for Naruto after all."


	3. The Third Goodbye

I stood under the canopy of a large tree, blinking at the sunlight cascading through the leaves. The ninja academy before me was teeming with activity, today was the start of a new school year, and all of the students were excited at the prospect of being one year closer towards becoming a real ninja. I strained my neck to get a better view of the cluster of children making their way across the lawn. A group of rambunctious children came careening out the door, loudest among them was a grinning dark-haired girl with mischievous blue eyes and angular features. Upon viewing me her wide grin turned into a sigh and she walked towards the tree with a kind of saunter to be expected of such a confident 8-year old.

"Oy, I'm old enough to walk home by myself!"

I smiled, "I know you are, but it's your brother's first day at the academy, don't you think he would appreciate us being here to greet him?"

Emi's face softened at the mention of her brother, but she soon regained her playful countenance.

"I know, but it's embarrassing for the top student in their year to walk home with mommy."  
"I'll try to remember that from now on."

I did not need to ask Hideki how his day went, it was apparent from his face. The five year old's blonde head bobbled up and down as he looked at the floor, trying to hide his pale concerned eyes from his mother.

I bent down in front of him and held onto his hand.  
"Hideki, what's wrong?"

He sniffled and shuffled his feet.  
"The others didn't believe I was the Hokage's son, they said I couldn't even hold the shuriken right."

"Your father was the last place ninja when he graduated form the academy, but he worked hard and become Hokage. Emi and I will help you work hard too, and you'll become strong just like him, alright?"

Hideki smiled at me gently and nodded his agreement. Emi clenched her fist and pumped it in the air. "If they mess with you again, let me know and I'll knock them out cold!"

"_Emi!_"  
"OK! Maybe just a black eye."

I chuckled in spite of myself; I really did not know what I would do without by children by my side.

* * *

The knock at the door was unexpected; the flow of visitors giving their condolences had waned from a steady stream to an occasional trickle by now. I headed towards the door, expecting perhaps Kiba and his brood, but what met me on the other side was someone else entirely.

"Hinata-san?"  
"Shizune, what brings you here?"

Her dark eyes flickered nervously as she spotted Hideki who was now standing behind me. "Hinata-san, could I ask you to accompany me to the hospital?"

Everything was cold and sterile-smelling, and the people wandering the halls didn't seem particularly happy to be there. Their faces were lined with concern that made it apparent they wished they were elsewhere. I couldn't help wondering if my face mirrored theirs.

Shizune led me into her office: small, neat and surprisingly welcoming. She wordlessly handed me a stack of papers and waited for my reaction.

"I don't understand, what is this?"  
"It's Naruto's autopsy report."

I almost looked at the paper again, wondering if the smell of antiseptics had affected my vision, but the result was the same.

"It can't be, cause of death is listed as a common virus; his body should have been able to fight that off within a few days."

Shizune sighed and looked at me apologetically. "It seems that he did not posses the immune defenses one would expect. I was concerned by the report so I took a more in depth look."

She pointed at a section of the page, "His genetic data was abnormal, and it seems he had a mutation of some sort that caused immunosupression. It's unlike anything we've ever seen before; my guess would be that the nine-tails might have been the cause."

I looked blankly at Shizune, feeling a sense of dismay wash over me as I let the papers fall from my hand.

"You're saying, the ability that made him Hokage, that helped him protect the village, is what…killed him?"

Shizune didn't answer me, she only looked at me sadly, the way one might watch a frail bird fall from the sky. "There's another reason I asked you here, Hinata-san."

"You see, we're unsure of the exact mechanism of the mutation, it may have been present since birth, or perhaps it didn't make itself present until later, there's also a question of whether it could have been passed on. If you can bring Hideki and Emi in for testing tomorrow we should have the results back by the end of the week."

She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a small smile. "Try not to worry, we will take care of them the best we can."

She was right, worrying wouldn't do any good, but that didn't stop me from wringing my hands all the way home.

* * *

It was dusk as I walked through Konoha, not fully aware of where my feet were taking me. Emi and Hideki had gone in for testing a few days prior, and the results were due the next day. I tried not to let my mind wander back to the possibility of a bad result, though the thought had been at the back of my mind since the day Shizune recommended my children for testing.

As I padded through the lush grass, I stopped suddenly; I had ended up in front of the Hero's Memorial. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, was it fate that brought me here, or just the random movement of my feet? Perhaps I had subconsciously been directing myself in this direction all along.

I knelt and look up at the stone, Naruto's name was engraved in bold letters, right under is father's.

"Hi Naruto", I whispered.

Perhaps I would have felt silly speaking aloud to myself on any other occasion, but in the solitude of the memorial if felt only right.

"I miss you, and so do Emi and Hideki. Emi's top of her class again and Hideki is working hard to be like you. I made ramen today, you should have seen Hideki gobble it down, he acquired your culinary taste. I made too much though, there was just enough left for one more person. I guess I'm not accustomed yet to cooking for three."

A soft breeze made its way eastward, and I watched quietly for a moment as the loose leaves sifted down from the treetops.

"I'm so sorry Naruto."

The tears began to pour down my face as I could feel my anxiety begin to surface.

"Hideki and Emi might have to fight a battle against something we can't see. I feel so useless, as if I've stripped of all my abilities. I've let you down Naruto. You protected your village so vigilantly and I can't even protect my own family. Help me; I don't know what to do. I can't, I just won't allow myself to lose them like I lost you."

A shuffling sound behind me broke me out of my soliloquy with a start. I whirled around and attempted to rise to my feet at the same time while hastily brushing away my tears, causing me to narrowly miss falling over.

"Kaka…err, Hokage-sama."

Kakashi waved his hand passively at me and shook his head.  
"Please, no need to bother with the formalities of the title."  
"I should go, I didn't mean to bother you."

Kakashi blocked my path, and though I couldn't see it, I'm sure he was giving me a warm smile.

"There is no need for you to leave Hinata-san, this memorial belongs as much to you as it does to all of Konoha. Besides, if I'm correct it was I who interrupted you."

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei."

I wasn't sure if I should leave or stay; wanting to stay by the memorial a bit longer, yet not wanting to impede on Kakashi's privacy. I stood next to him in an awkward silence, trying to think of an excuse to leave.

"Do you plan on coming here often?"

I blushed reflexively at the question. Was he asking because I bothered him? Did he prefer to pay his respects in solitude?

"I haven't really thought about it, but I suppose…Yes, I mean, it's quite peaceful here, and I'd like the chance to visit, it's just that…"

Kakashi looked at me knowingly and turned to face me, his eye crinkling into that indication of a smile that was becoming familiar to me.

"How about we both make an agreement, that we can visit the memorial as often as we like and never worry about whether our presence is disturbing one another. Can you agree to that?"

I smiled at him, for what felt like the first time in a long time.

"Yes, I can."


	4. The Fourth Goodbye

"Ouch."

I pulled my hand back instinctively as a droplet of oil escaped the pan. Hideki sat at the table, watching me cook his lunch patiently while Emi engaged in some early morning practice outside.

"Why I can't have ramen for lunch?"

I chuckled and gestured at him with a chopstick.

"Growing boys need more than just ramen, you know. Besides, don't you get tired of it every once in awhile?"

He shook his head earnestly.

"There are all kinds of flavors!" He opened his arms apart wide as if to demonstrate this.

"Too much delicious!"

"Too much delicious?", Emi repeated from the doorway. "That doesn't even make sense."

To emphasize her statement she threw a shuriken into the ceiling, hitting dead center of the panel.

"Emi, how many times have I told you to practice outside?"

I handed her the still steaming lunch to hold as I searched the kitchen for an accommodating lid. Finding what I was searching for I wiped it off and handed it to her. At the moment the shuriken un-wedged itself from the ceiling and landed in her plate of food.

"Cool!" she said as she quickly covered her food and ran out the door.

"Wait!", I yelled out behind her.

Hideki too had now accompanied her in her sprint and I ran after both of them. "REMEMBER TO TAKE IT OUT BEFORE YOU EAT!"

* * *

Shizune had informed me earlier that she'd deliver the results to me at home. That instantly caused me concern, though she insisted that it was simply out of convenience; she claimed to have business to attend to on this side of town today.

I had been pacing in the front yard all morning trying to busy myself with cleaning. Really, all I was doing was moving leaves from one pile to another, then glancing up every few seconds to see if I could spot a certain dark-haired figure approaching.

It seemed forever until a thin figure was seen on the horizon. I stopped sifting the piles and was going to walk inside but waiting any longer would have been torture. I began running towards her, slowly at first, then at full speed. By the time I reached her I was beginning to pant, though more from nervousness than exhaustion.

"Shizune….what…i-is"

"Don't worry Hinata-san, your children are currently in great condition."

I rested my hands on my knees and tried to calm myself with deep breaths. I wanted to thank Shizune for not drawing out the results, but something was bothering me.

"Wait…what do you mean currently?"

"The results show everything as normal, but the fact is that we still aren't sure about the mechanism involved. It's possible that the immunosupression is only dormant currently."

I'm sure my face must have given away my panic because she placed her hand on my shoulder and began talking rapidly.

"Ah, but, don't worry! Everything looks as it should and there is a pretty good chance your kids are perfectly normal. If there was anything abnormal we would spot it, I promise! If you like we can schedule regular check-ups to put your mind more at ease. "

I nodded tersely as I tried to clear my head.

"Hinata-san, for their sake, please don't worry. Everything will be ok."

I looked up at Shizune and smiled. _"Everything will be ok"._ I wouldn't be able to count the number of times Naruto had told me that over the years. There is no way Shizune could have known, but that was exactly what I needed to hear.

"Thank you, I'll do my best."

* * *

Emi returned home that day and wordlessly made her way to the back yard, where she began once again practicing, though visibly more tenaciously than she had this morning. It was unlike her; usually after a day at the academy she'd make a point to come tell me about how her day went and list off the things she had learned. Silence was most unbefitting of her.

Hideki threw his pack on the floor and peered at me from behind the counter.

"Are we having ramen for dinner?"

"Hideki, did anything interesting happen at school today?"

"Nope". He munched thoughtfully on a cookie. "But the older classes fought against each other."

Mock matches at the academy were a fairly common occurrence. Students were pitted against each other until only one winner was left standing for each year. It was used mostly as a means for the instructors to assess what the students had learned so far and where they stood among their peers. For Emi, it was a point of pride, however. She had always been top of her class since joining the academy. On these days she usually came running home with excitement.

I stepped out into the yard and watched as she practiced her ninjutsu diligently, waiting for her to pause so that I could get a word in.

"You're working so hard today Emi, why don't you come in and take a break?"

"Can't, I got second place in the mock matches today."

"Second place is great Emi, you should feel proud of yourself!" Truthfully I was surprised to hear this news as well. Perhaps I had gotten too used to my daughter's virtuosity, but I found it difficult to imagine her losing.

"This Yasahiro guy isn't even that great at taijutsu or anything, he just tricked me into losing."

"Yasahiro?" I had learned the names of all of Emi's classmates by now, and this name did not sound familiar.

"Yup. He's a new kid. I've never even seen him takes notes in class, I don't know how he could have beat me."

"Yasahiro, was it?"

"Yup, Yasahiro. Yasahiro Nara."

A Nara, that made sense. Even Emi's physical prowess and her position as an excellent strategist could not save her from being out-thought by a Nara. I had heard that Shikamaru had recently returned to work as a tactician under Kakashi-sama. I knew he had children, but I wasn't aware that one of his sons was Emi's age.

"Well Emi, there is nothing you can do but train harder. I believe in you and if you need help there are plenty of capable ninjas around that would be glad to help you."

"Hmm", she tapped her chin and considered my words for a moment. "You're right! I won't lose to him again, you can bet on it."

* * *

The rest of the week passed by uneventfully. Emi spent most of her time practicing , with Hideki occasionally joining her. I had taken to visiting the Hero's Memorial at odd times. Despite my earlier promise to Kakashi-sama I still preferred my solitude, and I suspected that he enjoyed his as well.

I was sitting in the living quarters one evening when a rhythmic knock was heard at the door. I wasn't expecting any guests, though my teammates had a habit of showing up uninvited so the knock did not come as much as a surprise as it should have.

The guest that I was to find, however, was most surprising. Standing on the other side of the door was the tall, slight figure of the silver haired Hokage, who greeted me with a small wave.

"Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the path of life."

"Uh…………" I was trying to articulate something eloquent to say when Emi appeared at my side.

"That's a lame excuse and I've heard you use it before, Kakashi-sensei."  
"Oh, is that so?"

"Emi, why didn't you tell me you invited Kakashi-sama over?"

"You told me to!"  
"I did?"  
"You did?", Kakashi asked.

"You said I should get capable ninjas to help me train, and isn't the Hokage the most capable ninja in the village? Let's get to training already Kakashi-sensei!"

Emi sprinted outside and got started on a set of push-ups. I turned to Kakashi and bowed deeply.

"I'm sorry for any trouble my daughter has caused. I had no idea she was going to ask for your help and I would have discouraged her if I had known. You must be so busy with your Hokage duties, you don't need to take her on as a protégé."

"I know I don't need to, but I want to. What's a favor between friends? Besides, it gives me a chance to escape Shizune's clutches – the paperwork is never ending."

Still, I felt somehow indebted to him. Having the Hokage as a personal tutor was no everyday occurrence. I was only ashamed that I had nothing of equal value to offer him, and I doubted that he would accept monetary compensation. I could feel my cheeks start to flush as I tried to think of a proper payment for his assistance.

"Well then, will you at least stay for dinner?"

"Now that is an opportunity I could never pass up", he stated, and with a smile he went and took his place next to my daughter.


End file.
